Earlier tonight, Chris and I recorded a video to talk about the upcoming fundraiser. It was difficult for me, to say the least. I knew ahead of time that Chris wanted me to talk about our Cory. I geared myself up as best I could, and spoke from the heart. In hindsight, I realized there were so many more things I could (and maybe should) have said. However, I will save that for the things I write here, and think of things I want to add during the event on NY Eve.

Remember – please join us for the fun! You can watch everything live on Chris’ live video stream. If you want to join the chat room to talk to everyone there (there will be a few hundred people!!), simply choose a nickname, enter it in the box below the video frame on the live site, and start talking! Be sure to let me know who you are, so I can say hello.

You can make a donation right on the live page, below the chat box. Be sure to include your request for Chris! At the end of the night, we hope to have raised a lot of money for the MDA. What a great way to remember our Gimpah!

I love you, Cory. I still miss you more than I can begin to explain. It’s still so surreal to not see you online every day. I keep looking for you. I hope you’re proud of what we’re doing… and I hope you’ll laugh your ass off watching us on Thursday night.

We talked a little at first about the fundraiser we are getting ready to do. Jamie is as excited as I am, and plans to attend virtually to watch the antics that night. This fundraiser is one that Cory loved every year. He adored coming up with insane things for Chris to have to do in front of the live audience. It is my hope that all of you who loved Cory will join us that night, and help continue the laughter in his memory.

We quickly moved on to sharing stories and memories. It was then that Jamie told me how much I had meant to Cory, and how often he had talked about me. She was adamant that she is now going to call me “Geekys techno mom” or just “GTM” for short. I couldn’t help but laugh at that, knowing how true it is of Cory and I. I choked back tears during our conversation, and laughed out loud many times.

At the end of the conversation, Jamie said something to me that made me cry so hard I literally could barely talk. It was difficult to tell her goodbye as we hung up, because I simply had no words. She thanked me for all the years of friendship to Cory, and for being the other mom that he needed in his life. She told me how much it meant to her, knowing that he had me to come to. She adamantly stated that she truly believes Cory was a better person himself, due to our friendship and love.

I was blown away by these statements, and they caused me to think quite a lot since that day. I often tend to downplay who and what I am on the inside. I struggle with deep and severe insecurities much of the time, due to past physical and emotional abuse. Yet I sit here tonight as I write, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it wasn’t only Cory impacting my life… I impacted his, as well.

It is an amazing feeling to know that you have touched someone’s life – to have made a difference. I cannot quite describe what it feels like, knowing that I meant so much to such an amazing young man. I am so proud that I can look back over the years, and say that I was an important part of Cory’s life.

But to me, Cory was the one who made the impact. Cory was the one who made a difference. I simply loved him, the best way I knew how. I am a Mom, and that doesn’t only extend to my own daughters. It spilled over onto Cory simply by accident. That accident turned out to be one of the most rewarding and important relationships in my life.

Thank you, Jamie, for telling me more about Cory. Thank you for sharing with me things he had said about me. But most importantly, thank you for sharing your angel with me for the past seven years. They are years that have made me into a better person, simply for having known him.

After I wrote this post and published it, I knew it was time. I put on my headphones, grabbed some tissue and hit that play button again. I laughed, and I cried. I kept wishing so much that I had been able to afford the plane ticket to be there. I have so many stories of Cory that I could have shared… showing a side of him that his family never even realized existed until after he was gone.

My vow is to try to put those stories and memories into words, to pass along to those of you who never knew “Gimpi” online. He was much the same as he was in his “real” life, of course. But he was so much more than that. Cory was son, friend, brother, counselor, trickster, prankster, instigator, advisor… wait. You’re shaking your head at me. And, you’re right… Cory was all of that in person, as much as he was to all of us online.

Unfortunately, the video file is too large to embed here. I’m working on a way to make it smaller, or get it on to YouTube (or a similar site) so that I can embed it here forever. If anyone has ideas as to how to accomplish this, I would appreciate the advice. For now, I will simply link you to where you can go to watch.

Remembering Cory